A Disheartening Start to A New Year.

All I wanted was a happy start to a new year. I did not think that was a lot to ask.

2017 had begun with the end of a serious, long-term relationship, moving out of a beautiful home and back into my mum’s. I was a complete and utter mess. I literally spent New Year’s Day driving for hours with tears streaming down my face. The year before that I spent New Year mopping up sick and arguing with my sister.

2018 had to be better I thought. I hoped.

So when December 31st 2017 came around, and the fireworks went off to celebrate the end of the year, I honestly could not have felt happier. In that moment, even though I was full of flu and wanting to be at home in bed, I was surrounded by loved ones and ended the year with a smile. I woke up New Year’s Day, cooking up all these positive vibes, eager to write down all my goals for the year ahead. I felt this new rush of motivation. Bliss, I thought. Everything seemed to just click into place.

God I was so bloody wrong.

Not even one full week into 2018, drama moved in. I do not want to talk about it here on my blog, and I never will, but I honestly felt like my world had been turned upside down. I have been through such a lot in my life and I truly thought I had felt every emotion possible on the spectrum, but as I soon discovered, I still had a lot to experience.

One week on and I am only just feeling more like myself, and even then, this is because today is a good day. I have come to relearn that I am still quite emotionally unstable, and I have a real long way to go before I no longer need to worry about the state of my mental health.

Life throws you curve balls. It will consistently do this to test you, to rock you, to move you. If it didn’t then my goodness wouldn’t it be boring. Yes all the tears I have cried, and all the anger I have felt, this is part of growth. From this I will be stronger, wiser.

You can choose to let the sorrow drown you out and take more of those 365 days away from you, or you can choose to rise above it. Rather than try to deal with whatever curve ball you have in your way, in one big piece. Break it down. Swallow a little bit of it each day, until it gets easier and easier, until there it is no more.

I have a blog to focus on. A new business to get off the ground. A life to build.

If your year started not as you had planned, please do not fret.

You are not alone, and this will not be the first time you are knocked down. Just keep on getting back up again.

Spend time with your friends. Allow them to support and help you, even if you feel like you want to be left alone. Get to the gym, go for a run. Exercise really helps to clear your head and will instantly make you feel better. Be grateful. Continuously. Eat your favourite ice cream and drink that extra glass of wine. You’ll feel much better, just give yourself a little time. Remember, you choose how you feel. Choose happiness.

So hello 2018.

You’ve already seen me hit rock bottom, and now there is only one way to go. And that’s up.

Photography by Rosa Scorpion.