2016, Time To Reflect & Digest Another Emotional Year.

As we all do, when a new year begins, we reflect on the previous twelve months, the good and the bad. 2016 has been an interesting year to say the least, not just for me, but people on a global scale. It has been an extremely painful year, with lots of change, but with change, we move forward – we have to be positive, even when it’s tough. That’s one thing to live by.

Be positive.

I thought I would open up in today’s post. Selfishly, I kind of need to, writing helps me to clear my mind, and right now, I need to empty my head. Let’s look at what 2016 meant for me.

Something I struggle with that you might not know about: Depression. A word I hate when people throw it around lightly. To get technical, I was a sufferer of PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) and unfortunately, every now and then it occasionally flares up and kicks me in the butt. I have never really discussed this on my blog, or any of my social channels, perhaps someday I will. My point is, the beginning of 2016 was a messy one. It really was – I celebrated last new year’s at a house party and my sister threw up practically everywhere. I wasn’t in a great place, I had broken up with my long term boyfriend, and had no idea what I wanted to do with my life. I was seriously considering therapy again and felt very lost.

But, every cloud has a silver lining.

Fast forward a couple o’ months and I was back, very happily with my boyfriend and we made the move to Ibiza together. You can watch that vlog here. I had the best time in Ibiza, it really is somewhere that I could some day consider home. By the end of the Summer, I really felt like my old self again and had a new confidence which I had never felt before. I may have let this blog slide, but I don’t regret that anymore. I had the best experiences last Summer and the memories I have I will forever look back on with a happy heart.

October to December was difficult. I put this down to adjusting to life back in the UK again. I have been so up and down emotionally, and being totally honest, right now I feel like I am a little lost again. Getting back to blogging and starting to film for my YouTube channel weekly has been amazing, and really uplifting, but on a personal level, things just haven’t really been so smooth running. I won’t discuss that on here but life has a funny way of throwing obstacles in your way, physically and mentally.

That ^^^ right there is the last of my negativity. I am mentally drained from over thinking, worrying, fussing and crying most weeks. 2017 I want to seriously focus, and streamline what I want to do with my life. I turn 28 in May, and for me that means I need to get some clarity. Usually most people focus on getting their body fit, joining a new gym and all that jazz. For me, my mind is what I need to train. Mental health is so important, and I really neglect that, and I just can’t anymore.

No more putting unnecessary pressure on myself.

No more setting unrealistic targets.

No more unhealthy comparison.

This year I want to shine my own light. I WILL be happy. I will make my own happiness. I will learn to love and be loved, with every inch of me. I will take on my demons head first and sprinkle them with unicorn glitter. I will be successful, in my own right and at my own pace. I am not going to be a millionaire over night. I will put in hours of hard work and celebrate with a gin and tonic or three when it pays off.

Ultimately, 2016 reminded me, and all of the world, life is far too short. I certainly did not need that reminder again, but it was a wake up call for sure. 2017 I will be doing me, and I shall cheer on all my girls and guys for doing them. Supporting my friends and family, and strangers that I have not even met yet is so important, I just want to make this world a little happier, a little softer.

One day with one smile at a time.

Happy New Year you guys. I wish you every ounce of happiness for your 2017.

Lots of Love.

Photography: Scott Ninness